Tag Archives: support groups

Our New Best Alzheimer’s Buddies

Alzheimer's Family Issues, Alzheimer's Spouse Issue, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , ,

 

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So the other we got together with a couple we met years ago and always liked although we saw each other mostly at parties thrown by mutual friends. Or at the grocery store—actually I have run into the couple surprising often at Publix, every six months or so. We always end up talking in the aisle for ages, promising to call to make a date that never happens.

We got together this time through another mutual friend who thought the couple might be interested in buying our farm. At her suggestion I called “Jo” and “Jordan” who invited me to stop by their house in town to talk. I had another meeting scheduled at 2 so I dropped by at one for a quick visit. Once I sat down, it became clear we had more than real estate to discuss.

One of them Jo has been having some memory and confusion issues. Their internist, (who happens to be my internist as well) recently sent them to a local psychologist who gave Jo the ten minute memory test, which Jo passed.  But Jo and Jordan both sense something is wrong. And they know, because I told them one day in the bread aisle, about Ralph’s diagnosis.

So for an hour they talked about the problems Jo has been having and asked me questions in an atmosphere of mutual trust. Before I rushed to my other appointment, we agreed they should come out to see our farm the next day (although it was clear they were not going to buy it). In the meantime I printed out research information and the phone numbers of resources.

The next afternoon Ralph and I spent several hours with Jo and Jordan. It was different from any other socializing we have done in years.  We all chatted a little. Than while Ralph took Jordan off to show off the farm, I spent time with Jo. Then we all spent time talking together, going deep and honest fast. We shared details and insights about our current situation. Ralph was articulate about what he feels and struggles with, as was Jo. Whether or not Jo’s cognitive problems will lead to a diagnosis similar to Ralph’s, they share similar difficulties and it was obviously they found describing their problems to each other easier than they have to outsider.

“Oh yeah, I get that.” was the mood of the afternoon.

So what made the afternoon so special, was that it was so relaxing. Ralph and Jo didn’t feel forced to be together, the way Ralph felt when he the support group (at my insistence), but it was obvious he and Jo could talk openly in a way Jo never would normally in a group. There was no anxiety about trying to keep up.  Instead there was laughter over the kind of memory jokes my friends and family would probably never make in their sensitivity to Ralph’s condition. But we could with another couple facing the same issues. God it felt good.

Of course, the bittersweet news is that we’re moving away soon, but meanwhile I envision spending quite a bit of time with our new best friends. And once we move, finding Alzheimer’s friends is going to be a priority, one I’ve not really considered until now.

Reminders of Alzheimer’s Reality

Support and Research, , , , , , , , ,

This must be my week for videos. A few days ago the leader of my local support group sent this three-minute video About Alzheimer’s, from the Alzheimer’s Site blog,  tracing the changes in a person’s brain during the course of Alzheimer’s.

The film follows the areas of brain cells that die off as plaque and tangles increase, not information I didn’t know but stated/shown with a matter of fact approach I find refreshing. While I have to say that Ralph’s case does not follow the pattern in the film exactly–his memory for language has not been the first area compromised as the film suggests—the visualization and concise explanation are useful. I can imagine returning to watch the video from time to time to keep me grounded in the scientific reality I sometimes (perhaps willfully) forget.

Meanwhile at the group meeting yesterday, I was reminded just how different everyone’s situation with dementia is, and how lucky I am, so far. I attend rarely because the meeting conflicts with my Thursday morning Pilates class—and frankly I depend on that 45 minutes of intense concentration on breathing and stretching and keeping my shoulders out of my ears—but class was cancelled at the last minute and I was already walking out the door so why not.

It was a good meeting. Honest give-and-take, practical information. In the other group, all married couples, most of the spouses are still borderline Mild Cognitive Impairment like Ralph, but in this group the caregivers seem to be dealing with parents and spouses who are at later stages. One woman, “Jane,” mentioned that her husband has recently had to be moved into a care facility

When the meeting ended, she and I began to chat. It turns out her husband is 67, Ralph’s age. Okay, I thought, he must have started having symptoms earlier. Then she said he had been diagnosed exactly two years ago. Around when Ralph got his testing results.

I teared up for the first time in two years. How lucky Ralph and I are compared to others struggling with Alzheimer’s. And how cocky I have been in my fool’s paradise. Thanks to Namenda and Donepezil (plus a generic version of  Lexapro for anxiety), Ralph is holding more or less steady, but suddenly the reality of these videos and the stark contrast between Ralph and Jane’s rapidly deteriorating husband brought me up short: This is real life and Alzheimer’s isn’t going away.

So this when morning Ralph turned to me and said, “Coffee in bed and NPR, what paradise,”  I agreed. I’ll live in our fool’s paradise as long as we can.