So the other we got together with a couple we met years ago and always liked although we saw each other mostly at parties thrown by mutual friends. Or at the grocery store—actually I have run into the couple surprising often at Publix, every six months or so. We always end up talking in the aisle for ages, promising to call to make a date that never happens.
We got together this time through another mutual friend who thought the couple might be interested in buying our farm. At her suggestion I called “Jo” and “Jordan” who invited me to stop by their house in town to talk. I had another meeting scheduled at 2 so I dropped by at one for a quick visit. Once I sat down, it became clear we had more than real estate to discuss.
One of them Jo has been having some memory and confusion issues. Their internist, (who happens to be my internist as well) recently sent them to a local psychologist who gave Jo the ten minute memory test, which Jo passed. But Jo and Jordan both sense something is wrong. And they know, because I told them one day in the bread aisle, about Ralph’s diagnosis.
So for an hour they talked about the problems Jo has been having and asked me questions in an atmosphere of mutual trust. Before I rushed to my other appointment, we agreed they should come out to see our farm the next day (although it was clear they were not going to buy it). In the meantime I printed out research information and the phone numbers of resources.
The next afternoon Ralph and I spent several hours with Jo and Jordan. It was different from any other socializing we have done in years. We all chatted a little. Than while Ralph took Jordan off to show off the farm, I spent time with Jo. Then we all spent time talking together, going deep and honest fast. We shared details and insights about our current situation. Ralph was articulate about what he feels and struggles with, as was Jo. Whether or not Jo’s cognitive problems will lead to a diagnosis similar to Ralph’s, they share similar difficulties and it was obviously they found describing their problems to each other easier than they have to outsider.
“Oh yeah, I get that.” was the mood of the afternoon.
So what made the afternoon so special, was that it was so relaxing. Ralph and Jo didn’t feel forced to be together, the way Ralph felt when he the support group (at my insistence), but it was obvious he and Jo could talk openly in a way Jo never would normally in a group. There was no anxiety about trying to keep up. Instead there was laughter over the kind of memory jokes my friends and family would probably never make in their sensitivity to Ralph’s condition. But we could with another couple facing the same issues. God it felt good.
Of course, the bittersweet news is that we’re moving away soon, but meanwhile I envision spending quite a bit of time with our new best friends. And once we move, finding Alzheimer’s friends is going to be a priority, one I’ve not really considered until now.