I am sharing this comment in response to my post about not being a particularly nurturing personality for a caregiver because it touched me deeply.
“Anonymous” bridges the divide between caregivers and caregiv-ees (a wonderful term that solves some of the linguistic difficulties presented by dementia, Alzheimer’s, patient, sufferer, etc.) because he articulates feelings we (at least Ralph and I) often have trouble expressing in daily life.
And he has a wonderful spirit that deserves to be heard…
“Hey Alice. It’s been some months since I’ve posted a comment, but I read all of your posts, all of the comments. I’m like Ralph – diagnosed with MCI about 7 months ago. I’m not the caregiver, I’m the care give-ee, which is why I don’t post very often. But to you and to all of you caregivers (including my wonderful wife, who may or may not know that I post here), I say – you are doing a difficult job very well! Don’t analyze too much, don’t beat yourself up. I’m still early in progressing into AD, if I am progressing at all. I’m still hoping that I’m one of the lucky ones with a MCI diagnosis who will be re-tested and found to return to “normal” cognitive performance for my age. I feel like I don’t have a problem (Ralph’s denial?) but my wife occasionally lets slip that she sees stuff suggesting that I am progressing. Anyway, my wife is very patient, either overlooking my MCI or just my “normal” age related memory issues. I am grateful for that. I’m sure your significant others, wherever they are on the spectrum (at least up until full-blown AD), are also grateful that you are hanging in there. I don’t expect my wife to be perfect in dealing with me. I don’t expect that she won’t be short with me when she tells me for the 3rd time that we’re going somewhere next weekend. Maybe it’s naive, but I bet most of the spouses you are caring for (at least until they progress to AD) feel the same. So you are the heroes. So just do the best that you can, which is good enough, and pat yourself on the back and feel good about yourselves.”
1 thought on “Another Perspective: The Caregiv-ee”
Thanks so much for these kind words. I’m in awe of your sensitivity to those in the care giving role. When times get particularly discouraging, I will remember these words. I guess that in my head I know that I am appreciated, but sometimes in the heat of the moment, it is hard to remember. Thank you!
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