You have probably noticed that haven’t posted for awhile. Several friends have emailed to make sure nothing is wrong.
All is well. Everything is fine and as normal as Memoryland gets. No crises. While the slow drip of slippage continues, a little more silence here, a little less appetite there, there have been no significant changes in Ralph’s cognition or his mood. At least none that I’ve noticed.
Really, the truth is I haven’t been paying as much attention to him as I usually do. I was about to add as maybe I should, but the truth is, he seems to be fine without my hovering. What I have been concentrating on instead is
- The practicalities of re-directing our lives as I look forward to a move: Dealing with realtors and financial advisors. Overseeing what’s left of our business. Considering needs like doctors and bank accounts that I need to re-order. Wondering how to pare down 40 years of a life to make it transportable to a smaller footprint. At first I was too overwhelmed to think about, let alone write about, the plethora of business decisions I have to make (ie which of the properties Ralph bought at the end of his career–when his cognitive powers had already diminished–to sell, how to move quickly enough to find a new home if I sell the farm faster than I expect, how to move at all if the farm doesn’t sell in a reasonable time). But while I’m still anxious, I’ve begun to enjoy the challenge of fitting the pieces of our financial jigsaw puzzle into place. I enjoy the number crunching and I definitely enjoy roaming through realtor.com to look at houses for sale…
- Myself. Yep, I admit it. I have been wrapped up my own life. I’ve been working with a growing roster of clients in my new mini-career as an editor (work I can do as easily from Nola as from here), I’ve been traveling to see kids and grandkids. I have started a drawing class and can’t stop drawing whenever I have a free minute. I’ve been promoting my friend photographer MaryBeth Meehan outdoor outsized portrait project Seeing Newnan, which has the community buzzing. I’ve been writing on my own.
Of course, I am getting Ralph to his doctor appointments. Keeping track of his meds and his food. Writing his daily life list that seems to be getting longer as I add more activities in danger of being forgotten if I’m not around to nag, like showering. I just have not been obsessing about him while I can afford not to. It’s almost as if I’ve set up a savings account with the energy I don’t need to expend now and may need to call on later. At least that’s what I tell myself when the guilt starts rising.