Closing Another Chapter

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Last week I finally made time to check the extent of damage to our hideaway in Apalachicola from Hurricane Michael back in October.

I’ve probably described “The Dollhouse” before, a small garage apartment on a large bay front lot with no house but a gazebo on the lawn and a sturdy fishing dock—so sturdy that it is one of the only docks in town still standing and useable. There’s no house because when Ralph bought the place, he decided he didn’t like the house so sold it for pennies, maybe $1000, to a buyer who transported the house ten miles down the road (I don’t know if it survived the hurricane and don’t have the heart to check). The lot itself had a high price tag when we bought it, against my wishes; he was adamant and in those days it was difficult to win an argument against him, but I now suspect Ralph’s cognitive abilities were already compromised or he would not have insisted on such a blatantly bad deal. Then again, it was 2007 when a lot of stupid investments were being made.

It was a terrible business decision but I grew to love the place. The stairway is long and steep, the rooms are tiny and there’s no central HVAC or Internet. The garage was built in the 1940s and we renovated by returning it as close to what it was originally as we could, complete with a red Formica kitchen counter. Everyone who has visited has fallen in love with the gemutlichkeit/fen shui. Ralph and I figured we’d end up spending more and more time there once we retired, him fishing, me becoming part of the artsy funky community.

I knew two trees fell on and through the roof in October because the contractor who agreed to handle repairs as soon as possible which was not going to be soon, and tarped the roof in the meantime, sent pictures. I kept putting off visiting, though, in part because I figured the locals had enough problems of their own and didn’t need a part resident gumming up the works, in part because I was afraid what I’d find, in part because I couldn’t find the free days. But last week, after a little problem since solved with Apalachicola sewage backing up onto the property, I realized I had to see things for myself.

I went without Ralph because he told me “I don’t think I feel like going.” Frankly, the idea of staying by myself for a night didn’t sound too bad.

And it wasn’t. The town seemed to be doing business pretty much as usual. There were signs of (re)construction everywhere. The shabby chic bed and breakfast where I stayed served late afternoon wine and cheese as well as breakfast. I met with my contractor, walked the property and loaded my car with paintings, linens, sentimentally important knickknacks and Ralph’s fishing journal. I walked around town sipping café con leche from my favorite coffee shop.

I also talked several times with a realtor I trust. She told me the property was worth a fraction of what we paid, but that if I could hold it another ten years, the value would probably rise.

I drove home admitting the reality that I already knew but hadn’t quite faced: The future we’d envisioned involving Apalachicola is not going to happen. Ralph and I are not going to be visiting, let alone retiring to Apalachicola. Once the apartment is livable, I will rent it full time to cover the taxes if nothing else.

I was filling pretty sad by the time I got home.

Ralph was on the porch smoking.

“How was New Orleans?”

“I was in Apalachicola.”

“Oh that’s right. I forgot,” he smiled.

When I explained the situation, he was not perturbed. He was not particularly interested at all. Basically he doesn’t care that he may never visit again. No, before I rent the apartment out I’m going to drag him down there for one farewell reunion visit with our fishing friends from Nashville.

And then I’m going to start discussing with him my plans for the farm, or rather my plans for our leaving it behind too.

9 thoughts on “Closing Another Chapter

  1. Hello. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your experience. I have been quietly following along for quite awhile now- I suspect many others do also. I am a 53 year old woman married to a 61 year old man-28 mostly happy years. He was diagnosed with MCI 3 years ago. We are newly empty-nesters. I was so excited for this new chapter until he was diagnosed. The loss of “what was supposed to be” has been the most painful part for me so far…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much for writing. Your situation sounds familiar. Giving up what we have assumed would be our future is difficult. If our spouses had an obvious physical disability I suspect we would be handling differently, but with the vagueness of MCI/Alzheimer’s, we live in something of a gray fog regarding that future…. I think, or at least hope, the answer is in creating a future that may be different and may even be difficult, but that allows us to remain ourselves.

      Like

  2. Isn’t it strange and poignant to be saying “I’m going to do this, do that..” when it used to be “We’re going to do this, do that…” – that’s been the hardest change for me.
    I appreciate the losses you are facing. Thanks for writing.

    Liked by 1 person

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