PANIC ATTACK! (mine)

IMG_0342It is 3:57 and I am wide awake thinking I may have screwed up royally this time.

We are at our vacation cottage in North Florida (actually a garage apartment with no house attached but that’s another story for a another time). We got here around seven this evening after a rough day. I had risen early to bake brownies for a baby shower I was co-hosting at a friend’s house . While I was at the shower, Ralph and my 12 year-old granddaughter loaded our truck according to my checklist. When I got home at noon, I quickly cleaned the brownie pans, went over the checklist, packed the coolers, and into the truck we all jumped.

It was a long drive of especially after we received a couple of texts from our daughter and son-in-law who arrived in Florida the night before.      1. They texted that the garage was infested with fleas and they had set off a flea bomb.          2. They  mentioned that Ralph’s boat motor seemed to be missing a part.

So Ralph divided his fixated attention between the fleas and the motor, asking me questions I couldn’t answer on one issue, then the other for five hours. Thank God for the car games my granddaughter insisted we play. I have never enjoyed Ghost and Twenty Questions so much.

By the time we reached the cottage I was exhausted. We had a quick, late dinner before I unpacked and went to bed at around 11:30.

About an hour ago I sat up wide awake

—Ralph’s doc kit? The kit where Ralph keeps his toothbrush, his razor, his e-cig charger and his Alzheimer’s meds. The thought of it had pulled me out of my deep sleep.

Or rather the thought that the kit wasn’t in the black footlocker when I unpacked it. So I tiptoed barefoot down the narrow stairs and outside to the truck. One carton of diet soda left under the back seat, but no doc kit.

Which brings me to now.

My mind is racing: Ralph and my granddaughter said they had packed it when I went over the check list but why did I take them at their word. Ralph can’t miss his meds for five days, that’s the bottom line. It’s the wee hours of Sunday morning. Can he miss a day until I can get his doctor to call in a prescription Monday?

Up pops the angry question, “Why can’t Ralph remember one thing!” followed by the obvious answer, “Because he literally can’t remember.”

So it is my fault.

Why didn’t I check the truck before we left? When am I going to learn not to take Ralph’s assurance he has remembered as actual assurance? When am I going to accept that I have to check and double check behind him? When am I going to realize that I need to pay attention to Ralph’s needs with more undivided focus?

  This trip is going to be a disaster!

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IMG_0343

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Nine A.M. Sunday morning and guess what—

Disaster Averted. My wonderful, adorable granddaughter did follow the check list to the letter. She did put the doc kit is in the truck after all. It was lying on the floor by the front passenger seat where I guess I didn’t look carefully enough last night.

I am the one who forgot. I am the one repeating myself this morning. “I am so relieved!” “I am so relieved!” I am giddy with relief. (But really, I should have double-checked the truck before we left, and will not make that mistake again, for my own peace of mind as well as his well being.)

Now, if it ever stops raining, we might just have a good time…

 

 

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5 thoughts on “PANIC ATTACK! (mine)

  1. It’s such a difficult change to adjust to. For years, we have been able to count on our spouse to be an equal responsible partner in life. And then dementia sets in. Suddenly WE have to take over a lot of those responsibilities. And the transition is not easy or predictable.

    So glad you found the kit! Hope you can enjoy the rest of your stay and that the weather cooperates!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have a feeling there will be more on this trip coming up. I have learned a lot. You are so right about the transitions being what we are dealing with as spouse/caregivers, our own as well as our spouses’.

      Like

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