Ralph and Alice Move Just In Time to Stay In Place–Comic Relief in the Time of Corona

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Moving to a new city in the middle of a pandemic with a physically frail, cognitively impaired husband may not have been the wisest decision I ever made, but it was the only one available.

We’ve been here almost a week and every day has been crammed with incidents that make for fear, anxiety, but also a surprising amount of laughter. Problems that would be minor in normal times loom larger when they can’t be fixed in the foreseeable future; problems that would freak me out in normal times seem humorously trivial now. What follows are just a few of the highs and lows of Alice and Ralph’s misadventures because I’ve already forgotten the rest; there have been so many.

THURSDAY  We arrived much later in the afternoon than I’d hoped but with Ralph and the dogs in better spirits than I’d expected. Workmen were still here finishing the dog’s fence and putting locks on doors before heading into c-virus hibernation. The bedroom, bath and kitchen were ready though, and Ralph lay down oblivious while I met for two hours with our contractor. He wore what looked like a futuristic gas mask as he led me through the rest of the house pointing out all the work that would have to wait until who knows when. Around 8pm I woke Ralph to share a microwaved frozen pizza –fortunately my daughter had stocked our kitchen with food to make sure I was not tempted to shop.

Close to the front lines herself as a nurse practitioner, she’s very protective of her father and me. Ahead of the government, she has mandated absolute isolation: o grocery shopping or even taking the dogs on walks. And because she works at a health clinic, she and everyone in her family, including babyRalph, are off limits. I go to bed wondering if coming to New Orleans was a huge mistake.

FRIDAY   I’m up with sun telling myself optimistically that it’s a new day. I can’t wait to try out our new white and shiny shower (with a doorway big enough for a wheelchair if that time comes). I turn on the spigot. It falls into my hand. I call my contractor who forgot to tell me he’d ordered a new spigot that would be put on later today. No shower obviously so I get dressed.  Oops, I seem to have left the bag with my underwear and socks in Georgia. I am laughing as I text about my “crises” to friends.

Ralph doesn’t mind skipping a shower; he is remarkably happy lying in bed with the dogs nearby.  But to avoid contact with the plumber in the afternoon, I drag Ralph to sit in the kitchen where he watches through his window as two guys finish a few exterior tasks before leaving for the duration.

Why are they wearing masks?”

The virus.”

Right, The SARS thing?” SARS it will remain in this house.

My daughter checks in from work at the clinic where her boss has just described their work as ‘staring at a freight train heading full speed straight at you.’

A bit rattled, I put a pot on the stove to start dinner listening to a news report that mentions the governor’s new regulations about social contact. Click click but no gas. I light matches. No gas and no gas smell. I take a breath and text our contractor although I know he’s had nothing to do with the stove, which came with the house. I quickly teach myself my first lesson in how to use the intimidating microwave that also came with the house.

SATURDAY   We’re schedule to get WIFI/TV this morning but given the governor’s order limiting work to essential services, I am not sure the installer will show, or if I want him to. He shows. I follow him around at a distance with a bottle of disinfectant. It’s exciting to have TV and WIFI. I fire up my Mac no problem, but when I try to turn on my business computer, it doesn’t recognize my password.  I start to panic. All our finances are locked in the computer. I take a breath; the tech guys who helped me set the password days before we moved (who needed a password on a farm?) aren’t available until Monday. I face the reality that there’s nothing I can do and that if necessaary I’ll bookkeep by hand the way I used to as long as necessary. The good new remains Ralph.  He’s forgotten all about his back pain, also that he was sick last week. He willingly sits outside with me to drink our morning coffee. He doesn’t miss the farm one iota.

The washing machine is the next thing I can’t get to work. I text the contractor, thinking to myself I can hand wash from now on if I have to.  The contractor face times with me. First he figures out why the stove is not coming on and that there no way for me to get it fixed for now. Oh well, I have an oven, a microwave, and a George Forman grill, plus an electric teakettle; I’ll get by. As for the washing machine, once we check the breakers, my contractor has me snake my arm with the phone around the machine so he can see behind. It’s unplugged! Twenty minutes later I find my bag of underwear. I am ECSTATIC.

SUNDAY (or maybe it was still Saturday, my days are beginning to run together) My daughter calls. Her boss at the clinic has tested positive. Telemedicine is going into place. Did I mention my daughter is pregnant?  I am sick with ANXIETY.

I do not tell Ralph.

He is oblivious. Physically he’s back to what he was before his hospitalization, but mentally he’s made a shift. It’s subtle, a matter of passivity more than memory. If I don’t give him a plate or a cup he doesn’t eat or drink. If I don’t order him into the shower (now working and lovely), he stays unwashed.

MONDAY  I am about to call the tech guys about my computer but give it one last shot punching in every combination I can come up with. It turns on. Maybe anxiety had me typing in wrong letters the other or maybe I have a sticky key. I don’t know but I’m not turning that machine off any time soon. I have a relatively pleasant day avoiding the world outside. I do editing, I work on a writing assignment. I unpack more boxes. I’m more relaxed than I have been in a month, but being in this new environment and out of our old routine forces me to see more clearly how much my relationship with Ralph has deteriorated as a partnership. The silence.

TUESDAY  After looking out my window and realizing that I am looking into my neighbor’s bathroom at an inopportune moment, I figure out how to hang some impromptu curtains. I am proud of myself, becoming someone who solves physical problems. I also solve a problem concerning Ralph’s prescription drug insurance. All before 10 am. But I’ve been so busy I haven’t checked on Ralph, assuming he’d call me on his cell if he needed me. I go to the bedroom where he is fine, but his phone is dead. No charge even plugged into a working outlet. I call Verizon, am put on hold, then on call back status during which time I take a quick shower. Finally a technician comes on. It takes us five minutes to fix the problem. I think to myself that I’m glad I’ve sent up a landline for Ralph to use in an emergency. Of course now I need to order an actual landline phone.

WEDNESDAY Here we are. Ralph in his realm downstairs, me up here doing work and texting friends. I’ve been entertaining my friends with daily blow-by-blow accounts of our foibles. The humor may be only skin deep—it feels flimsy in retelling here—but it is what works to pull us through.  And oddly, Ralph is almost an inspiration. He’s so damn relaxed!  I am trying to stay relaxed too, by worrying about only those issues I can actually problem solve, like cooking rice in the microwave. Or the fact that Ralph’s phone just died again.

5 thoughts on “Ralph and Alice Move Just In Time to Stay In Place–Comic Relief in the Time of Corona

  1. I am glad to hear your move is behind you & you can start to find your new normal in your new home. I also want to wish you a happy belated birthday! You are truly an inspiration. Staying positive, finding humour, and living it one day at a time seems to be the only way to cope during these challenging times. I will keep your daughter & her family in my prayers. Pls. let her know that we are very appreciative and thankful for all that the medical community is doing for us.

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  2. I am glad to hear your move is behind you & you can start to find your new normal in your new home. I also want to wish you a happy belated birthday! You are truly an inspiration. Staying positive, finding humour, and living it one day at a time seems to be the only way to cope during these challenging times. I will keep your daughter & her family in my prayers. Pls. let her know that we are very appreciative and thankful for all that the medical community is doing for us.

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  3. Seems Ralph has adjusted very easily and quickly. Great for you as you work your way through getting your new home together. So very sorry about your daughter’s boss. This means she’s been exposed as well, and with the new baby in the picture, I’d be worried sick. Will keep you and her in my thoughts and prayers. Thanks for sharing your life. It inspires me to be able to handle anything that comes down the pike for me and my husband.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I guess we are all worried these days. No one is immune. Those of us who have been dealing with Alzheimer’s care may be better prepared because we are used to a certain free floating anxiety and have developed coping mechanisms. Thanks for writing.

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