Sex and Money. The two topics that generate curiosity but can be pretty uncomfortable to discuss in general, and in regard to Alzheimer’s especially. I admit I am not ready to talk about sex, but money? I’m not sure, but because I’m in the middle of doing taxes, money is on my mind.
How much do we have? Enough. We are lucky. (Around the time Ralph was diagnosed he decided to “retire” from his business managing rental property, much of which we owned. We—meaning I–sold most but not all of the property to create a nest egg while we live day to day off the reduced income from the rental property we still own.)
How much do we need?Frankly our needs are much less on a daily basis. We seldom eat out and we are not buying “stuff” any more. Our medical costs, including Ralph’s medicines for most of the year, are pretty much taken care of by Medicare and our supplemental insurance. Lately I have shelled out for some costly business expenses, emergency building repairs, that have eaten into our income and that’s been a little scary—a hint of how things could change on a dime.
What are the money issues to come? Housing and medical care. I have written before about the value of long term care insurance. We fortunately purchased it before Ralph’s diagnosis. I am hoping that if/when Ralph’s condition requires outside care, the insurance will kick in. But I worry that the glut of baby-boomer like us may bankrupt the long-care insurance companies before I need help so I am storing away funds just in case. And then there is housing. Despite Ralph’s current conviction that he will never leave, at some point the farm is not going to be viable, and I will have to decide when, not to mention where we go from here. Will we be able to sell or rent out the farm for enough to afford our next living situation(s)? I don’t know but frankly I am not ready to think about myself yet.
How well am I making financial decisions, alone, concerning our future? The truth is that I tend to go for easy decisions. And there are decisions—about whether to spend money on a given repair, how to keep our savings safe without losing ground, how to plan for our future needs. Ralph used to discuss these topics endlessly and we still discuss them, but he doesn’t remember from conversation to conversation what we last decided. I try to think what Ralph would do, but then I also remember that I did not always agree with what Ralph did when he was in charge. (I resent the money we are still shelling out to support bad decisions Ralph made about ten years ago—around when his cognitive loss probably began.) The real answer here is that at my accountant’s suggestion, I turned to a fee-based financial planner who advises me holistically and is available whenever I call with a question on the smallest issue. In some ways that financial relationship is more intimate than any other.
Post Script:
Before I posted this I had to run an errand. On the way home I stopped at Starbucks where man in line behind me was acting a bit confused in a way I recognized; when his wife explained that he had Alzheimer’s, I said so did mine. We began talking like long-lost friends (we use the same doctor and support system at Emory and are at similar points in the progression). One of the things she discussed the unmanageable cost of sending her husband to a day program while she was at her job. When I got home I found a response to my earlier post about driving and Alzheimer’s: A woman, who doesn’t drive herself, has realized her husband can no longer driver due to Alzheimer’s. How is she going to solve that situation? Public transportation? Taxis? Uber? I am suddenly struck anew by the financial realities that Alzheimer’s poses for so many and by the need for our support systems to come to grips with the needs presented. I realize I need to contact our local Alzheimer’s Association to see what services are offered and to volunteer to solve the problem of gaps between needs and financial cost—not where I expected writing about money to take me but it has…..
Alice in Memoryland 
Hi Alice
I have just discovered your blog and it’s been so comforting My husband has been diagnosed as having MCI We are in Canada and I have absolutely no medical support! I have a gp telling me that my husband is only acting and it is our marriage that is the problem and that my husband has a mental health issue and the psychiatrist for my husband who will not discuss any real details as he sites patient privacy issue My husband has also been diagnosed with extreme anxiety and depression…. My son and daughter and their families have both moved away and are distancing themselves from their father as they don’t “like “ what is happening to him.
Your blog has really helped me as your earlier blogs is where I am at this point in our lives Hopefully my husband will maintain his memory as much as possible but I feel he is slipping drastically and heading into dementia…
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Thanks so much for writing. I don’t know where you are in Canada but you might want to try to get in touch with a teaching hospital and/or to see a neurologist. My husband’s psychiatrist was not helpful either although our GP was wonderful and recommended our neurologist. As you no doubt can see in my blog, even well meaning friends and relatives are of limited help. And children have their own issues in facing a parent’s mental changes, changes which affect their sense of his and their own identity…..Stay in touch….
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I had power of attorney for dad and bought a car which had a ramp so we could push him into it in his wheelchair. I worried about what he would say if he knew it was bought from his savings because he was of the generation who did not touch their savings. If we hadn’t bought it he’d never have got out the house once he lost his mobility – and I would have gone raving mad.
I heard part of a radio programme recently and wish I could find it again about care of the lederly in Japan. Everyone contributes through their salary, with the government topping it up, so they can afford to live in a residentail home when they can no logner live in their own homes. I hate to think what will happen in the future here.
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Thanks. I can just picture the situation of you making the decision, knowing it is correct, but worrying about his reaction nonetheless. That mix of emotions is so familiar to me.
I heard a program here about Japan too, but what I heard was not as positive. Evidently the waiting lists are tremendously long, and staffing is an issue because the elderly Japanese are only comfortable with Japanese caregivers.
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Good afternoon,
As I read this blog, all of the memories flooded through me about the panic I felt when Bo was first diagnosed. We didn’t have long term care (I got it immediately for me but couldn’t get it for him — too late), the uncertainties of his future needs, of my own future needs, kept me up nights. And there are so many unexpected needs. As it turned out, we were OK, mostly because I had in-home care (NOT paid through an expensive agency) so the $10,500 monthly fee for a memory center wasn’t something I had to deal with. But early on, in my terror, I went to the lawyer seeking a way to protect what I did have at the time, and a way to pave our future without having to give up my house. I put everything into my name early so if there was a look-back for 5 years by any agency or facility, it would have been OK. This is just one more of the dreadful aspects of Alzheimer’s for the caregiver.
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You always remind me of stuff I need to think about. The practical realities, and not just money, definitely complicate the reality of Alzheimer’s in unforseen ways. I am so grateful I do have longterm insurance. I wish I had changed everything into my name sooner. There are still some things in his and it is a pain. I need to get that under control ASAP…. Thanks as always for your support
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